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Sea creatures have the kinkiest sex

Today on land many will celebrate Valentine’s Day with a box of chocolate and a nice dinner. But beneath the waves, there’s a wide weird world of projectile penises, belly flops and mass orgies that makes human sexuality look humdrum.

But who are we to judge?

In “Sex in the Sea,” Marah J. Hardt, research co-director of the nonprofit Future for Fish, gathers tales of marine love that are often as hilarious as they are disturbing.

“Right now, somewhere out there in that big blue sea, you can bet that some creature — if not sneaky, and perhaps acrobatic — hank-panky is going on,” Hardt writes.

“We’ve lifted the veil enough to show the colorful and kinky world of sex [that] drives the ever-unfolding diversity and abundance of life in the sea.”

For instance, though the blue whale has the largest penis of any animal in the world (10 feet!), …